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Global Mamas Baby Clothes With A Conscience

 by: Kirsten Hawkins

There are a lot of options in today s world for parents seeking to purchase baby clothes for the newest members of their families. The trends in baby clothing run from the simplistic and traditional (average, low cost baby clothing purchased second-hand or from discount stores like Kmart and Wal-Mart) to the seemingly extravagant ( designer baby clothing created by the likes of Christian Dior and Kimora Lee) and the wildly untraditional ( alternative baby clothing based on the punk rock and heavy metal styles of the 1980s and 1990s). All of these choices save the first can cost considerable amounts of money, more than the average baby outfit may be worth, yet the items sell. Why? Because people love style and they love to dress their children and babies with style.

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Global Mamas is a company that is taking that concept of style and shaking it up a bit, turning it around, and offering something new: style with conscience.

Global Mamas sells all manner of children s apparel, including baby clothes, at prices that are similar to the unique offerings of the alternative baby clothes retailers and often considerably less than the designer retailers. The items that they market are handmade by African women who benefit directly from the profits. According to the company s web site (http://www.globalmamas.org) the mission of Global Mamas is to enhance the international marketplace with unique, high quality, handmade apparel, and at the same time provides sustainable livelihoods for women and girls in Africa.

Global Mamas is a member of an organization known as the Fair Trade Federation (FTF), a US non-profit organization that works to ensure a fair trade partnership between North American marketers and distributors and the African women who create the items marketed by Global Mamas. The FTF works with companies that have similar partnerships with workers in Asia, South America, and Latin America as well.

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If you re in the market for baby clothes with style, you could get the style that you re seeking and do a bit of good in the world at the same time by taking a look at the different designs in baby clothing that Global Mamas has to offer. Purchasing children s and babies clothing from Global Mamas can present a win/win/win situation. The FTF and Global Mamas both win by getting to continue their work, the African women win by getting the chance to make their lives just a little better, and you win by obtaining the style that you re seeking with a conscience.

About The Author Very well. Now that you have read till this point, we assure that along with this you will have something extraordinary. You have to be pertinent with this article to attain more. Kirsten Hawkins is a baby and parenting expert specializing new mothers and single parent issues. Visit http://www.babyhelp411.com/ for more information on how to raising healthy, happy children.

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Special Occasion Baby Wear

 by: Kirsten Hawkins

Finding special suits for baptisms, christenings, and other ceremonies

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Religious ceremonies, celebrations, and occasions are a big part of a newborn baby s life in many families. Naming ceremonies, christenings, baptisms, and dedications ceremonies carry a degree of importance in the lives of followers of many different religions and are generally considered to be special occasions of some importance. When planning one of these events there are many details that the parents of the child involved must consider, not the least of which is what the baby should wear to the event. Some religions require that a form of traditional garb be worn by the infant while others leave the choice up to the parents. In either case the occasion demands that the choice of the baby s clothing be something special that represents the importance of the event.

Christening

Christenings and baptisms typically involve a christening gown for both boys and girls. The girls gowns may be smocked and are typically longer and more dress-like than those worn by boys. In both cases the gown is typically white, symbolizing innocence and the purity of the child s spirit as his parents dedicate his or her life to God and promise to raise the child in the word of God. These ceremonies are typical of many Christian denominations, most notably the various forms of Catholicism.

Naming Ceremonies

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Naming ceremonies appear in the practices of many religions and nationalities. The practice dates to ancient times when a new life was considered to be a gift from the gods. In most modern naming ceremonies there is no specific required outfit, with the appropriate attire for the child being a white or pale blue suit or gown of silk or some other fine fabric. Due to the delicacy, expense, and significance of these articles, they are seldom worn more than the one time.

Dedications

Some Christian denominations do not practice the baptism of their children, holding the baptismal rite as a personal decision that a person makes once he or she has reached the age of accountability. This is typical of many evangelical denominations. In place of the christening or baptismal ceremony for an infant, the parents and child participate in a dedication ceremony before the members of the church. In most of these churches there is no required finery or attire for the infant, nor any specific traditional style, color, or design. Parents will still usually dress up the baby in formal-looking clothing designed for a baby. The attractiveness of these suits (for boys) and dresses (for girls) often elicits comments from the congregation regarding how adorable the little one looks all dressed in his or her Sunday Best.

About The Author At this point of time, I’m like a doubting Thomas with regards to the efficacy of this report. The write-up is meant to cater to those folks who were all hot for Sex the Ring & the Eucharist. Just few found this good. You are the excellent critic for Sex the Ring & the Eucharist. Traverse till the hindmost word to explain about its worth. Kirsten Hawkins is a baby and parenting expert specializing new mothers and single parent issues. Visit http://www.babyhelp411.com/ for more information on how to raising healthy, happy children.

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Peeing on the carpet, knocking you down, or stealing dinner off the counter are all signs that your dog doesn’t respect your rules. In other words, you are not the Alpha Dog.

If you ever want to have a peaceful and happy relationship with your dog, you need to learn how to become top dog.

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It’s not just a silly phrase. Dogs have a heirarchial ranking system. In simple reality, the only two ranks you need to know of are top dog , and not top dog…. The Ruler, and the Rule Follower. Naturally you don’t want to be caught in the trap of being subject to your dog.

You want your dog to respect you and obey you. Don’t confuse the two. A dog may obey you out of fear, but not respect you. That is a dangerous situation to be in. Have you ever seen the movie Iron Will? If not, watch it. It gives some great insight.

There’s a dog sled driver who beats his dogs into submission and treats them terribly. They respond to his beatings and he has a winning team, but at the first sign of weakness, they turn on him and… well it wasn’t pretty.

Of course that’s a dramatization and worse case scenario. Frankly, I think anyone who beats dogs has it coming. It’s just not necessary to rule with an iron fist.

Most dogs are receptive to attitudes that are as basic and primal as fighting, but are much less violent.

For example, simply giving commands and being consistent goes a long way. If your dog is always made aware of what is and what is not acceptable, you will have a greater chance of success.

When your dog disobeys, scold him and send him to his quarters- whether it be a dog bed, a kennel, going outside or just a specific place in the house.

Don’t allow him to beg for food. Doing this gives him the impression that it’s okay to whine to get what he wants.

It’s not.

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If and when a dog should bite you, and you have had this dog and don’t believe him to be wild or sick, then you have to take action to ensure he knows that it will not be accepted. (If there is any indication of disorientation of your dog at this time, call a vet. Dogs can bite if they are sick, hurt or scared. You should seek professional advice.)

Appropriate action would not be to scold or hit the dog but rather to grab his head firmly, not in anger or rage but in calm control, and bite him on the ear. Don’t try to break the skin or really hurt the dog. You are just making a point here that you are the leader and he needs to respect you.

It is also highly recommended that you train your dog to walk with you on a leash, at your heel level. This puts the dog in an active submissive role on a regular basis and helps you to enforce that you are the boss.

I would suggest getting a book or training video to get more details on the topic, or research dog forums for advice from other owners who prefer to train themselves and not send their dogs to obedience school.

Remember that if you want to be the top dog, you have to take control. Leadership is essential in a dog’s life. You are the one who gets to choose who that leader is.

About the Author

About the Author:

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Tina Spriggs is an expert dog lover whose lifelong interest in canines provides the motivation for her site. To learn more about dogs or to find gifts and toys for them visit her site at Dog Gifts and Toys for Dog Lovers.

Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.

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Medical Assistant Key to Success — Proper Education!

 by: Danni R.

Types of Medical Assistant Programs:

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Traditionally, there are two types of medical assistant programs, two-year career training programs which result in an Associate s Degree, and a one-year, or accelerated medical assistant programs held at vocational training institutions resulting in either a certificate or diploma that also qualify their graduates to sit for the national certification exams.

Job Oriented Vocational Training:

Vocational training institutions usually structure their programs to be realistic and simulate the workplace to teach their students the skills they need to get a job, stay employed, and advance in their profession.

This includes teaching medical assistant students all administrative, clinical, technical, and nontechnical skills, enhancing problem solving, and teamworking skills, improving their oral communications, and work ethics, refining their interpersonal, and collaborative abilities with others, and reinforcing cognitive traits that they will have to rely on once they are on the job.

Training on the Job:

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However, formal training in medical assisting while generally preferred is not always required. There still are many employers, usually physicians in group or private practices, who prefer to train their medical assistants according to their own specific needs.

Because all medical assistants, whether trained in a school, or on the job must be able to efficiently handle administrative, and clinical skills, which includes simple STAT lab tests, running automated office machines, autoclaves, urinalysis, and hematology systems, and pass certain other related competencies, prior volunteer experience in the healthcare field, or prior work experience in a nursing home, health clinic, home healthcare setting, hospital, customer services, or reception desk can prove to be extremely helpful!

eLearning for Medical Assistants — Modern vs. Traditional Instruction:

More and more medical assisting and related technical career courses are being made available over the Internet via structured distance education programs. The availability of online classes is expanding coast to coast. They promise conveniences that real classroom teaching can hardly provide.

Although their lessons are often well thought out and well planned through use of virtual classrooms, audio visual presentations, and digital collaboration via a personal computer they do not necessarily offer the same quality and quantity of education as on campus classroom instruction offers. Since elearners students are lacking in the direct student-instructor, student-student interaction, and clinical hands-on aspects of the training they automatically miss out in some of the most crucial and indispensable requisite areas of quality career education and training.

Choosing a Program:

Experts in the field always recommend that medical assistant students only deal with reputable training institutions, and choose from respected programs that are recognized and accredited by the RIGHT organizations. Furthermore, they should seek out schools where caring instructors are “real world” faculty professionals qualified (through certification) and trained in the areas of clinical, administrative, and pharmacology lab. Only this way will medical assistant students receive the knowledge and training they need to succeed.

eLearners.com recommends: (Quote) “Knowing something about a school’s accreditation can tell you a lot about the value of the degree or course for which you are paying. If you obtain a degree or take a course from a non-accredited institution you may find that the degree is not recognized by some employers or that the course credits may not transfer to other institutions. Understanding accreditation can also help you identify and avoid “diploma mills” (i.e. an unaccredited institution that grants degrees without ensuring students are properly qualified.)” (End Quote). Read their very informational article on Distance Learning Accreditation!

Medical assistant seeking classroom or distance education programs for their training should check whether they are approved by the U.S. Department of Education, the Council for Higher Education Accreditation (CHEA), the Commission on Accreditation of Allied Health Education Programs (CAAHEP), the Accrediting Bureau of Health Education Schools (ABHES) and check with regional accrediting agencies that have been evaluated and deemed to meet high quality standards.

About The Author Danni R. Owner/Founder/Web Site Admin Danni R. is well known for her active interest and enthusiasm. She received recognition for being an avid web page designer and for having excelled in teaching medical assistants and other healthcare professionals online at Universalclass.com. She has been honored with numerous awards, among them the Online Mentor Award, Education Enthusiast Award, Online Instructor Award and the prestigious Century Teacher Award. O.K. Your exquisite drive to research more would be contented further. If you go on reading further, we hope that your curiosity in this would increase. Advanced Medical Assistant of America http://www.certmedassistant.com and Medical Assistant Net http://www.medicalassistant.net

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Scholarships For Single Mothers

 by: Kelly Kennedy

Are you a single mother in debt trying to make your way through school hoping to attain a better education so you can support your family? If so you should consider applying for a scholarship.

What is a scholarship?

A scholarship is a grant of financial aid awarded to a student, as for the purpose of attending a college.

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Scholarships are beneficial because it allows a student to cover all or a fraction of his/her college expenditures without having to pay the money back. The majority of scholarships come from federal funds, with the remaining balance coming from private organizations. As a student takes a step forward in his/her education and chooses a career path, more opportunities will become accessible. Scholarships can be based on: region, academic performance, religious affiliation, sports, ethnic background, military status, intended major.

Where to find out more information on scholarships

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As a single mother it’s always best to investigate on known avenues, such as State Department for Higher Education for residents, a high school guidance office, an academic department or college’s financial aid office, free internet searches or libraries. One area that is not searched as often but should is a parent’s company, or even student employers, so if you are a single mother working and going to school contact your employer to see if there are scholarships available.

Scholarship for Single Mother

With so many scholarships being available it can often be difficult to choose which one is best for you. Narrow your search by which you believe best meets eligibility factors, and then take the time to devote persuasive applications that include transcripts, proof of eligibility, personal essays, recommendation letters, etc. Make sure to follow directions carefully, as well as giving yourself enough time to put together a great application opposed to something being done at the last minute. Follow directions, proofread your work, double check that, apply early and keep copies for your records. Scholarship for Single Mother: Beware of Scholarship Scams

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There are entities that state that there’s millions of scholarship dollars that go unused every year. This is incorrect, as the greater part of the funds comes from the federal government and the private scholarships come from organizations that are willing to let students utilize them. The Federal Trade Commission alerts families to beware of scams that encourage students to make a payment to hold the scholarship, or if the student has been selected for an unknown scholarship. Schools have a given amount of funds to make use of for students, and no one can change the system to get more money for scholarships than they are granted through the standard financial aid process.

Why Should I Apply?

As a single mother, don’t let high costs be a reason not to go to school. Bettering your education should be a top priority because it will pay off in the future and you will be able to support yourself and your family. Apply today for a scholarship and it will be one less financial cost you will have to worry about, every little bit helps, right?

About The Author Kelly Kennedy writes for http://www.singlemotherresources.com, a great online source for single mothers nathan@mindcomet.com

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Are Online Degrees Valid To Prospective Employers?

 by: Rose Musyoka

Online distance learning has gained rapid popularity with the advent of the internet, which has proven to offer great supporting facilities and convenience for online education. However, just like everything else with pros and cons, the internet has also opened doors for the widespread sale of bogus online degrees. According a report by USA Today, there were already 400 diploma mills in the year 2003 and the numbers are rising. In fact, many of these unscrupulous operations are run by organizations in an industry that is worth $500 million a year.

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However, amidst the negative hype about online education, there are actually many distance learning colleges offering valid degrees and diplomas. These institutions do not sell bogus certificates, but actually aim to provide quality education as alternatives for on-campus higher education. Valid online courses with online video lectures as well as online library facilities and test examinations conducted are often deployed to ensure that students truly qualify in their areas of study and graduate legitimately. Sadly though, many employers only see the negative side of things, and easily brush off online education degrees as equivalent to bogus degrees.

In view of the confusion, the National Education Board of the U.S. government has authorized 6 accreditation agencies to provide institutional accreditation to education institutions, as a measure to differentiate legitimate universities from the crooks. This means that students choosing their universities will be assured that these universities would have met minimum criteria set forth by these agencies for learning institutions. Additionally, there is also The Distance Education and Training Council (DETC) which provides accreditation specifically for distance learning institutions. The DETC is an accreditation agency that is recognized by the US Department of Education and the Council for Higher Education Accreditation (CHEA). Furthermore, there is also specialized accreditation for specific programs of different areas of specialization. These programs which are found to have attained excellence will be awarded accreditation by various professional accrediting agencies depending on the area of specialization. For instance, the International Association for Management Education (AACSB) gives accreditation to accounting related programs while health programs are accredited by the American Health Information Management Association. It is also important to know that only accreditation agencies recognized by the Department of Education or CHEA are considered accreditation agencies which are acknowledged.

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What does accreditation mean to a student? An institutional accreditation agency evaluates the various aspects of universities or colleges against minimum standard criteria to determine if the particular institution meets their list of basic requirements. College accreditation is necessary to ensure that the education, facilities and support provided by a college or university adheres to basic levels. On the other hand, specialized accreditation evaluates excellence in individual program regardless of which institution the program is being delivered within. In this type of accreditation, course content and program curricula is evaluated against pre-set standards of the institution.

All accreditation does is to assure employers, students and parents that the graduates who are awarded degrees from accredited colleges have undergone adequate training in their respective areas of specialization. This also means that colleges that are not accredited by the proper accreditation body would not have met the standards imposed by the agencies. However, courses taken by prospective employees that are accredited by the respective agencies would have met standards imposed on the respective specialized areas.

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It is totally up to the judgment and decision of the employers on evaluating the validity of an online or on-campus degree. With the recent hike in bogus degrees, employers can t help but be stringent in their applicant screenings and consider those with degrees that have been accredited. This may prove tedious and sometimes employers may get confused. Therefore, if your accreditation is provided by an agency recognized by the US Department of Education, then you will need to explain to prospective employers on the background of the accrediting bodies. This way, you can avoid employers from sidelining your application based on something that they may be unclear about and increase your chances of being short listed for a job interview.

About The Author Rose Musyoka is an article contributor at http://www.distance-learning-college-guide.com where you find answers, information and advice on distance learning colleges, accredited online degrees and online courses. See more related information on why college accreditation is important at http://www.distance-learning-college-guide.com/college-accreditation.html.

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We wouldn t be able to do any of the stuff we do with kids if it
wasn t for the support we get from local business people in our
community. This is not a shameless plug for our sponsors, just
recognition of the fact that whatever we ve been able to achieve
in Dulwich Hill has been a team effort between church and
community.

People often ask me, “I suppose the church pays for all this, do
they”. I tell them straight, that our little church in Dulwich
Hill has never been able to properly afford even the minimum wage
for their priest, and that the Church with a capital C (ie. the
Anglican Diocese of Sydney) has contributed next to nothing. No.
Almost all our support comes from the three local pubs - the
Gladstone, the Royal Exchange, and the Henson Park Hotel - and
from the local RSL club (Petersham). The rest of it we pick up
through the Christians vs. Lions fight nights we put on, and
through other community events (eg. the Mayor s golf day, the
annual community Street Fair, etc.).

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It wasn t always this easy. In the early years we really
struggled to keep the Youth Centre open. Then we caught the
attention of one corporate benefactor, who was able to keep us
going long enough for us to put the other support in place. That
benefactor was Ray Williams, former chief executive of HIH
insurance - one of the most gentle, caring, and humble men I have
ever met, and currently one of the least popular men in the
country.

It amazes me when I think about it. Some of the best people I
have ever met are people with terrible reputations. In each case
of course their reputations have been largely media-generated.

When my mate Jim got shot, one of the major Sydney newspapers ran
story entitled “Evil Villain Gunned Down”. It featured a picture
of Jim carrying an automatic weapon. The picture had been taken
many years earlier during Jim s time with the Australian Army. I
thought You bastards! That s not the man I know.

When Morde was on trail in Israel I read a variety of articles
that spoke about him as being a sophisticated spy - working for
the Arabs and out to destroy his country. I thought You
bastards! You have no idea who you are talking about.

Now I read stories about Ray - about how he manipulated the
market to line his own pockets and how he deliberately defrauded
millions of people, and I think again You bastards .

Ray was sent by God to help us. I have no doubt about that. I
first met him through a fight I took, though Ray himself was no
fan of boxing.

The story of that fight was in itself quite bizarre.

I had been sitting with the Archdeacon in my office one
afternoon. He was wagging his finger at me and telling me that
I d have to close down the Youth Centre. “You just don t have
enough money to keep it going” he said. And he was right. We were
exactly $1000 short of being able to pay our youth worker s wage
for the next month. I was feeling rather nonchalant about it all
and was telling him to have more faith. At exactly that moment
Kon, my trainer, came to the door.

“Dave, do you want to take a pro fight?” he asked. “No” was my
knee-jerk reaction. I d just completed my fight career (I d
thought) with a shot at the NSW super-welterweight title in
kickboxing. The law in this state at the time was that you had to
hang up your gloves when you turned 35. I was 34 and nine months
at that stage. “How much are they offering?” I asked Kon. “$1000″
he said. I told him I d take it. We raised close to $50,000 for
the Youth Centre through that fight. More than half of that money
came through Ray.

A guy by the name of Jeff Wells wrote an article about my fight
that was published in the Sydney Morning Herald one Saturday.
After that, cheques for as much as $1000 started arriving in the
mail! Then one morning a courier turned up with two cheques - one
for $10,000 in the name of HIH insurance, and another for $15,000
in the name of a Mr R. Williams. I remember trembling when I
received these cheques. I d never seen that much money before in
my life.

I had never heard of Ray Williams, but his business card was
attached, so I rang the number and got one of those classic
receptionist voices, saying “Mr Williams is busy at the moment.
Can I take a message?” Then I mentioned my name and all of a
sudden I was speaking to Ray.

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“Ah … hi … do I know you?” I started. “No. I don t think so,”
he said. “You ve just sent me cheques for $25,000″ I said. “Yes”
he said. “Um … are you a local from around here? Have you been
watching our work?” I asked. “No” he said. “Well … are you
connected with the church or with youth work around here?” “No”
he said. “Well … are you a fight fan?” I asked, scratching for
some point of connection. “Not at all” he said. “I read an
article about you in the Herald and it looked like you needed
some help.” “Yeah, I do” I said. “Well, will that help?” he
asked. “Oh yeah” I said, “that ll help.”

That s how our relationship began. Over the years that followed
Ray took a keen interest in our work. As things at HIH became
tighter, we didn t receive any further support from the company,
but Ray himself would generally turn up to our fundraiser fight
nights, and he wouldn t leave before slipping us a cheque from
out of his own funds. It s what kept us going while we searched
for more stable sponsorship from the local community. We owe a
lot to Ray.

And it wasn t just the money. It was the man too. He was
inspiring in his humility.

At the time of the first donation we had a guy in our church who
worked as one of the chief accountants in the public hospital
system. “Oh yeah” he said to me one Sunday. “If it wasn t for Ray
Williams, half the hospitals in Sydney might be closed.” And then
he added “but he never likes to have his name mentioned. He hates
the limelight”

We found this to be entirely true. We managed to get him on stage
once to present a trophy to one of our fighters, but it was a
tough job. He really hated being at the centre of attention. It s
one of the things that makes this Royal Commission so odious to
him.

I still can t believe the way the media have gone after him -
vigorously attacking him for his generosity to hospitals and
charities. It s not as if he was giving away money that should
have gone to insurance claimants. If he hadn t given it away, I
guess it would have slightly increased the dividend paid to the
shareholders, and he himself must have been one of the largest
shareholders. I still find it preposterous to think that the
media should have acted so self-righteously indignant about the
fact that the poor shareholders were losing potential income
because it had gone to the children s hospital. It s just
ridiculous.

But it wasn t only the media that crucified Ray. Once the news
about HIH s collapse became public knowledge, former colleagues
deserted him, old friends and associates turned their backs on
him, and charities that he d been supporting for years all of a
sudden didn t want to know him. Ray had been on the board of the
Children s Hospital for as long as anybody could remember. They
sent him a letter saying thank you but your services are no
longer required . Nobody waited for the results of the Royal
Commission. Nobody waited to see if perhaps he wasn t the real
villain in the piece. Everyone distanced themselves, not wanting
their own reputations to be tarnished.

I seriously can t understand that attitude. I know I m capable of
doing some stupid and selfish things, but deserting a mate in his
time of need is not one of them. When I think about all the
people that Ray must have helped over the years, I just can t
believe that none of them thought to ring him up and say How are
you going, Ray. Perhaps it s my turn to give you some support?

Anyway, my point here is not to spit my dummy. And I ll be the
first to admit that I don t have a clue about big business,
insurance laws, or anything of the sort. But I know a good man
when I meet one, and Ray Williams is a good man and someone whom
I m proud to call my friend. And I ll be buggered if I m going
stand by and listen to people pouring crap out on a mate of mine
without saying anything.

To be truthful, I don t expect that Ray will ever fully regain
his former reputation or standing. I know too much about how the
media works and about how our court system works to ever expect
real justice. As with my friends Jim and Morde, I m not holding
my breath waiting for the truth to come out. No. I ll look to the
day when the kingdom of this world will become the kingdom of our
Lord and Christ. When that day comes, all the crap will be sorted
out.

About the Author

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker,professional fighter, father of three. Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to help fund his work. He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, Sydney,and has received numerous awards for his work with young people

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Get a free preview of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist’ when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

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Getting What YOU Want in Parenting

 by: Kim Olver

Have you ever noticed that everything is a battle with your child? If it is, then one of three things is happening. Your child, you or both are in a competitive need cycle. What is a competitive need cycle?

As humans, we are all born with five basic needs that we are genetically programmed to attempt to meet. They are survival, love & belonging, power, freedom and fun. Without getting into the detail of the developmental model described in Nancy Buck s book, Peaceful Parenting, power and freedom combine to make the competitive need cycle.

When people are in a competitive, need cycle they are most strongly driven by the need to gain more power and freedom in their lives. With a parent and child, this is typically represented by the parent refusing to consider to allow their child to do something. The parent is attempting to meet the power need by keeping his or her child safe and the freedom need by extricating him or herself from the worry of wondering about his or her child while the child would be engaged in the forbidden activity.

The child, on the other hand, is attempting to meet the power need by having new experiences and exploring the world and to meet the freedom need by gaining time away from restrictive parental supervision. When a parent and child are both in their competitive need cycle, naturally a power struggle ensues.

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I have four examples of situations and possible solutions if you, the parent, are willing to consider focusing on your cooperative needs of love & belonging and fun instead. Why do you, the parent, have to be the one to it differently? Because it is you who are dissatisfied with the situation. Whose behavior can you control? Hopefully, you understand that you cannot control your child s behavior as much as I know you d like to at times. The only person s behavior you can control is your own.

Since it is you and not your child who is reading this article, I m talking to you about what you can do to improve the situation.

Staying focused on changing your child will only lead to your frustration and a break down of your relationship. You won t be successful at long-term change in your child. He or she may acquiesce while in your presence but there won t be the required internal motivation to change required for any long-term transformation. So, let s look at what you do have control of—the way you respond to your child s push to meet his or her power and freedom needs.

Rebecca:

The first situation I want to talk about involves ten year-old Rebecca. Rebecca s parents came to me frustrated over the fact they were unsuccessful enforcing Rebecca s bedtime and she would frequently be grumpy because of lack of adequate sleep. They also were hoping for some down time to spend some quality time with each other without children around.

After, evaluating what was really important, the parents spoke to Rebecca about no longer enforcing her bedtime. They explained that she could go to bed whenever she pleased as long as she was able to get up in the morning, get to school and be relatively pleasant with family members. However, there would be a household quiet time that would begin at 9 PM. At that time, everyone needed to be in his or her own bedrooms engaged in quiet activity.

These parents couldn t wait to tell me how great it worked! Since Rebecca had no parents fighting with her to go to bed, she could no longer meet her power need fighting with them. Consequently, she began to go to bed when she got tired and stopped fighting sleep. Steve and Mary were able to get the quiet couple time they needed so everybody won.

Veronica:

The second situation involves my friend, Denise, and her daughter, Veronica. Veronica is 11 years-old and wanted to have her hair highlighted like all her friends do but Denise was opposed to the idea. While discussing the situation with me, Denise realized that she was concerned about the maintenance costs of highlights and the damage that will be done to her daughter s beautiful hair if she starts applying chemicals to it at her early age. Of course, Denise had explained none of this to Veronica.

What she did say was, No, you are too young to have your hair highlighted. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn t mean you should. Does that sound familiar? What I suggested instead is that she tells Veronica her concerns.

Denise started by saying that she wanted to revisit their conversation about highlights. Denise agreed to Veronica s initial request to be given the highlights as a birthday gift. But then, she asked Veronica what her plan was for upkeep. Denise explained that she would have to have the highlighting process done every two months or so and that it would cost approximately $60 each time. Denise offered to give Veronica money for helping out doing extra chores around the house.

Since Veronica had agreed to this before and failed in the follow through, Denise asked another question. She said, Veronica, I know you have agreed to do extra chores in the past and you didn t consistently follow through. If history repeats itself and you don t have the money you need for the highlights, are you prepared for what your hair will look like once the roots grow out?

She also discussed with Veronica the concern for the health of her hair. She said that starting to put chemicals into one s hair at eleven did not bode well for maintaining healthy looking hair into adulthood.

Denise marveled at what happened next. She said that what had been a heated battle between them for months turned into a non-issue. Veronica decided she no longer wanted highlights in her hair. She realized that she probably won t do the chores to earn the extra money needed and that she doesn t want to look weird while her hair is growing out. It s amazing what happens when we align ourselves with our opponent s resistance. It s a concept that has been taught in martial arts within the physical realm for centuries but it can easily be applied to the mental realm in parenting just as easily

Carrie:

The third scenario involved a mother s horror when she learned what her eight year-old daughter had done. This mother, Linda, sent her daughter, Carrie, to swim camp. Carrie had been a swimmer for quite some time but this was the first time she was actually exposed to older swimmers at camp.

She learned from them that a good way to shave time off her record is to shave the hair off her entire body. Now what hair could an eight year-old have? It didn t matter—Carrie was determined to shave everywhere except the hair on her head. Linda, in horror, forbids her to do it.

What was Linda concerned about? It was a multitude of things. First of all, her daughter was too young to start shaving. Secondly, she was concerned that if she began shaving, then her hair would grow back very dark and course. (Of course, this is an old wife s tale that many of my generation was exposed to.)

Linda was shocked to learn that despite her refusal to allow Carrie to shave, Carrie later went into the bathroom, took a dry razor to her skin, and shaved anyway. Unbelievably, at her next swim meet, she had the best time of her short life to that point. Did shaving help her or was it the power of her belief that the shaving helped? I can t answer that question. However, the point is that what actually happened was worse than the original fears Linda had about Carrie shaving.

Had Linda listened to the desires of her daughter and she was willing to consider the request, she may have spoken to a pediatrician and learned that her second fear was unfounded. Then she might have been able to assist Carrie to shave safely instead of with a dry razor and no supervision at all.

What parents often fail to realize is that just because they tell their child no does not mean that their child will dutifully obey. Often a no means that their child will proceed stealthily without parental permission anyway. When this occurs, the child is doing something the parent doesn t approve of and the parent has no idea and therefore, no opportunity to discuss the possible dangers and concerns.

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My Children & Their Friends:

I used to see this a lot when my boys were older. They would have friends whose parents were quite strict and would not give permission for them to attend parties where it was known there would be alcohol and no parental supervision. On the surface, this makes perfect sense. What responsible parent wants their child at a party drinking without any adults to intervene if there is a problem?

However, in refusing their child permission to go, what I often saw was that same child telling their parent that he or she was going to stay overnight at a friend s house. Then that friend would tell his or her parents that he or she was going to stay at the first friend s house. In essence, what resulted was two children out all night, doing God knows what, without any adult having any information about what was happening.

My approach with my children when they would want to go to a party was to discuss the things I was afraid of. If they had an explanation for what they would do to handle the problems about which I was concerned, then I would generally allow them to go. If they couldn t address certain situations, then they would not be permitted to go until there was a reasonable plan in place to address my concerns.

The main things I was concerned about were not drinking and driving. What would they do if offered drugs? What would they do if someone showed dangerous signs of having too much? What would they do if violence broke out or things got out of hand? What would they do and what did they expect me to do if the party were raided by police? Over time, we discussed all of these situations so that I was satisfied that my children could handle them if they ever came up.

This resulted in me having peace of mind and generally, enough information about where my children were going to be and what they were going to be doing to satisfy me. It is not an easy way to parent and it sure doesn t guarantee that your children will always make the best decision.

What it does do, however, is it stops making you the person your children have to fight in their attempts to get their needs met. It keeps your relationship with your children strong and influential. It allows you, as the parent, to discuss situations and possibilities you normally wouldn t have the opportunity to discuss. In addition, it helps your children to become better decision makers, problem solvers and to anticipate circumstances before they arise.

If you would like to study this kind of parenting, you can join us for any number of possibilities. Visit out website www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check out our Parenting page for more information.

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About The Author Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives. She offers free chats, assessments, a blog and an eZine, as well as workshops, teleclasses, e-courses, counseling and coaching. Visit her website at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz or contact her at (708) 957-6047.

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Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe the mind s tendency to associate two unrelated events or experiences, especially when a strong emotion is present.

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For example, if your mother fed you chicken soup when you were ill as a child, you will always associate chicken soup to being loved and cared for.

On the down side, if you once contracted food poisoning from eating tainted pickles, just the smell of pickles will be enough to bring on a feeling of nausea many years after the event.

How does anchoring work in relationships?

If you come home from work elated by a promotion and see your lover s face, you will link that feeling of elation to the sight of his or her face. By the same token, if you hate your job and constantly talk about those feelings over dinner with your spouse, you’ll unconsciously begin to associate the bad feelings with him or her.

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In that case, you must make a conscious effort to share more good times with them so you will more readily associate positive feelings to the sight of their face.

Sharing good times creates positive anchors or associations. It helps you to weather the less positive times that every couple experiences at some stage in their relationship.

Breaking up is often the result of linking too many negative anchors to the sight of your partner s face, with no knowledge of how to counteract them by deliberately creating positive ones.

Here s a common example. A young doctor whose wife works to help him through medical school may decide to divorce her after he graduates. This is because he associates the sight of her face to the hard times they experienced during those years. Of course this is all unconscious all he knows is that he feels bad whenever he looks at her. He mistakenly takes this as a sign that the relationship isn t working.

Now that you know how anchoring works, use it intentionally to improve your relationship.

1. Plan positive events together and make sure you don t let any negativity intrude on the event. Save arguments or disagreements for a later time.

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2. During the height of an intensely positive moment you are sharing:
a. touch your loved one lightly on the knee or arm
b. squeeze the person s hand or
c. put your arms around him or her.
The next time you repeat the same gesture with this person in some other context, it will reawaken some of those original emotions in them.

In a similar way, if you touch someone in a specific way when they are feeling sad, for example, you squeeze their shoulder or put an arm around them at a funeral, touching them later in the same way will reawaken those feelings of sadness. So be careful about what sorts of emotions you are associating to your touch, words or face.

How does this apply to gifts?

A gift is by its nature an anchor. Every time the recipient looks at the gift, they will remember the occasion when they received it, especially if they experienced strong emotions at the time.

So you can help guarantee that your gift will be a strong ongoing anchor if you make sure that you create a truly memorable experience such as an extremely romantic evening - when you present the gift.

A woman will always remember following a trail of rose petals in her lover s apartment to find the necklace he purchased for her birthday.

A man will always remember being presented with his own personal star by a lover dressed only in a star-patterned bra and g-string.

It s also important to consider the opposite effect.

Never give a gift by way of apology. You don t want to create negative anchors by giving gifts after an argument.

If you give your wife a diamond ring to apologize for the fact that she caught you cheating with your secretary, the ring will always remind her of your infidelity.

If you give your husband a new watch to apologize for crashing his BMW, he ll remember your transgression every time he checks the time.

Even if those memories don’t make it to conscious awareness, they’re lurking just under the surface. It makes better sense to allow them to fade away, instead of attaching them to physical objects like gifts.

Keep things simple. A genuine apology is all that s required after an argument. Save gifts for positive occasions.

About the Author

Marguerite Bonneville
Marguerite Bonneville is a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) whose passion is publishing information online. She is a contributing writer at http://www.romantic-gift-ideas-online.com, a resource site dedicated to helping visitors find the perfect romantic gift.

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