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Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims

How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like Brats, Bullies, or Mean and Selfish ? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today s media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America s so-called out-of-control children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to the problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing the very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong.
In Robert Shaw s book, The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children, he asserts that Our culture no longer offers what children need to truly thrive. That is, some children are so unruly because society has unknowingly taught them to act this way

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Getting Down to the Root of the Problem
The epidemic that Shaw discusses is a result of a deeply rooted social system called Authoritarianism, which is a system of behaviors that manipulate and control through pain and humiliation. These behaviors include blaming, shaming, preaching, moralizing, accusing, ridiculing, belittling, evaluating, labeling, threatening, judging, and punishing all bullying behaviors. These behaviors disrespect, discourage, and devalue the person to whom they are directed. When such authoritarian behaviors are imposed on children, the end result is usually a loss of dignity and self-respect. Instead of helping them overcome their problems, these methods only make children feel worse about themselves, causing them to react by displaying the same authoritarian behaviors.
Authoritarian behaviors are so deeply rooted that even professional advocates who speak out against bullying resort to using the same tactics. For example, on an episode of his TV. show, Dr. Phil McGraw interviewed a teenage girl who was being verbally and physically abused by other girls at school. Since the accused girls refused to appear on the program, Dr. Phil delivered a message to them by looking and speaking directly into the camera. When he began to ridicule the accused girls and call them names, the audience immediately applauded and cheered with approval. Both Dr. Phil and his audience were advocating the very same behaviors that he was speaking against. Bullying is so deeply rooted in today s society, that it now seems reasonable.
Adding to our trouble, our nation as a whole has a reputation of being a bully because of our authoritarian behaviors. In fact, The San Francisco Chronicle recently ran an article entitled 9/11 Reminds Chinese of America, a Global Bully. In the article a student at the Beijing Institute of Science said, America is a bully, so when someone hits back, it feels good. When bullying is directed at children, the cycle continues. Many bullied children end up being bullies themselves because it feels good, causing others to feel like victims for much of their life.

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It s Time for a Behavior Check
The fact is that children learn from modeled behaviors. While it is true that some children are, as the media says, out-of-control, they did not end up that way by themselves. Children are who they are because of their environment. They learn how to act by watching the people who are closest to them. The behaviors they see are the behaviors they will take on. This being said, if we truly want to help a child make a change for the better, we must first take a good, long look at our own actions and behaviors. Ask yourself the following questions:
What kind of behaviors am I displaying in front of children?
Are these the same behaviors I want them to show toward others?

It is Up to Us
Fortunately, alternatives to authoritarian behaviors exist. We are not powerless in our struggle for social change. Many child advocates not only speak out against these behaviors, but they also offer effective solutions that create physically and emotionally healthy children.
World-renowned experts and authors such as Alfie Kohn, Beyond Discipline, From Compliance to Community; Roger Schank, Coloring Outside The Lines; and David Elkind, The Hurried Child are social heroes of our time. They have been speaking out against the injustices of our system for many years, and their wisdom is bringing about a social change we desperately need.
The problems with America s children may seem overwhelming at times, but there are proven solutions. By changing our childcare practices and behaviors, we can restructure our nation s intellectual, economic, physical, political, moral, and emotional values. Children are at the mercy of the people responsible for their care. Instead of speaking out against our children, we need to be friendly with them, and speak up for them. It is up to us to make a difference in their lives.

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About the Author

About the Author:
Dawn Fry is the founder and CEO of Helping Our Children Productions,
a publishing company that provides educational CD s giving practical help to parents
and childcare providers resulting in happier, friendlier children.
Ms. Fry has been a licensed childcare provider and educator for twenty-two years.
She has more than 60,000 hours of professional experience working with children and is also a mother and a grandmother.

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We wouldn t be able to do any of the stuff we do with kids if it
wasn t for the support we get from local business people in our
community. This is not a shameless plug for our sponsors, just
recognition of the fact that whatever we ve been able to achieve
in Dulwich Hill has been a team effort between church and
community.

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People often ask me, “I suppose the church pays for all this, do
they”. I tell them straight, that our little church in Dulwich
Hill has never been able to properly afford even the minimum wage
for their priest, and that the Church with a capital C (ie. the
Anglican Diocese of Sydney) has contributed next to nothing. No.
Almost all our support comes from the three local pubs - the
Gladstone, the Royal Exchange, and the Henson Park Hotel - and
from the local RSL club (Petersham). The rest of it we pick up
through the Christians vs. Lions fight nights we put on, and
through other community events (eg. the Mayor s golf day, the
annual community Street Fair, etc.).

It wasn t always this easy. In the early years we really
struggled to keep the Youth Centre open. Then we caught the
attention of one corporate benefactor, who was able to keep us
going long enough for us to put the other support in place. That
benefactor was Ray Williams, former chief executive of HIH
insurance - one of the most gentle, caring, and humble men I have
ever met, and currently one of the least popular men in the
country.

It amazes me when I think about it. Some of the best people I
have ever met are people with terrible reputations. In each case
of course their reputations have been largely media-generated.

When my mate Jim got shot, one of the major Sydney newspapers ran
story entitled “Evil Villain Gunned Down”. It featured a picture
of Jim carrying an automatic weapon. The picture had been taken
many years earlier during Jim s time with the Australian Army. I
thought You bastards! That s not the man I know.

When Morde was on trail in Israel I read a variety of articles
that spoke about him as being a sophisticated spy - working for
the Arabs and out to destroy his country. I thought You
bastards! You have no idea who you are talking about.

Now I read stories about Ray - about how he manipulated the
market to line his own pockets and how he deliberately defrauded
millions of people, and I think again You bastards .

Ray was sent by God to help us. I have no doubt about that. I
first met him through a fight I took, though Ray himself was no
fan of boxing.

The story of that fight was in itself quite bizarre.

I had been sitting with the Archdeacon in my office one
afternoon. He was wagging his finger at me and telling me that
I d have to close down the Youth Centre. “You just don t have
enough money to keep it going” he said. And he was right. We were
exactly $1000 short of being able to pay our youth worker s wage
for the next month. I was feeling rather nonchalant about it all
and was telling him to have more faith. At exactly that moment
Kon, my trainer, came to the door.

“Dave, do you want to take a pro fight?” he asked. “No” was my
knee-jerk reaction. I d just completed my fight career (I d
thought) with a shot at the NSW super-welterweight title in
kickboxing. The law in this state at the time was that you had to
hang up your gloves when you turned 35. I was 34 and nine months
at that stage. “How much are they offering?” I asked Kon. “$1000″
he said. I told him I d take it. We raised close to $50,000 for
the Youth Centre through that fight. More than half of that money
came through Ray.

A guy by the name of Jeff Wells wrote an article about my fight
that was published in the Sydney Morning Herald one Saturday.
After that, cheques for as much as $1000 started arriving in the
mail! Then one morning a courier turned up with two cheques - one
for $10,000 in the name of HIH insurance, and another for $15,000
in the name of a Mr R. Williams. I remember trembling when I
received these cheques. I d never seen that much money before in
my life.

I had never heard of Ray Williams, but his business card was
attached, so I rang the number and got one of those classic
receptionist voices, saying “Mr Williams is busy at the moment.
Can I take a message?” Then I mentioned my name and all of a
sudden I was speaking to Ray.

“Ah … hi … do I know you?” I started. “No. I don t think so,”
he said. “You ve just sent me cheques for $25,000″ I said. “Yes”
he said. “Um … are you a local from around here? Have you been
watching our work?” I asked. “No” he said. “Well … are you
connected with the church or with youth work around here?” “No”
he said. “Well … are you a fight fan?” I asked, scratching for
some point of connection. “Not at all” he said. “I read an
article about you in the Herald and it looked like you needed
some help.” “Yeah, I do” I said. “Well, will that help?” he
asked. “Oh yeah” I said, “that ll help.”

That s how our relationship began. Over the years that followed
Ray took a keen interest in our work. As things at HIH became
tighter, we didn t receive any further support from the company,
but Ray himself would generally turn up to our fundraiser fight
nights, and he wouldn t leave before slipping us a cheque from
out of his own funds. It s what kept us going while we searched
for more stable sponsorship from the local community. We owe a
lot to Ray.

And it wasn t just the money. It was the man too. He was
inspiring in his humility.

At the time of the first donation we had a guy in our church who
worked as one of the chief accountants in the public hospital
system. “Oh yeah” he said to me one Sunday. “If it wasn t for Ray
Williams, half the hospitals in Sydney might be closed.” And then
he added “but he never likes to have his name mentioned. He hates
the limelight”

We found this to be entirely true. We managed to get him on stage
once to present a trophy to one of our fighters, but it was a
tough job. He really hated being at the centre of attention. It s
one of the things that makes this Royal Commission so odious to
him.

I still can t believe the way the media have gone after him -
vigorously attacking him for his generosity to hospitals and
charities. It s not as if he was giving away money that should
have gone to insurance claimants. If he hadn t given it away, I
guess it would have slightly increased the dividend paid to the
shareholders, and he himself must have been one of the largest
shareholders. I still find it preposterous to think that the
media should have acted so self-righteously indignant about the
fact that the poor shareholders were losing potential income
because it had gone to the children s hospital. It s just
ridiculous.

But it wasn t only the media that crucified Ray. Once the news
about HIH s collapse became public knowledge, former colleagues
deserted him, old friends and associates turned their backs on
him, and charities that he d been supporting for years all of a
sudden didn t want to know him. Ray had been on the board of the
Children s Hospital for as long as anybody could remember. They
sent him a letter saying thank you but your services are no
longer required . Nobody waited for the results of the Royal
Commission. Nobody waited to see if perhaps he wasn t the real
villain in the piece. Everyone distanced themselves, not wanting
their own reputations to be tarnished.

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I seriously can t understand that attitude. I know I m capable of
doing some stupid and selfish things, but deserting a mate in his
time of need is not one of them. When I think about all the
people that Ray must have helped over the years, I just can t
believe that none of them thought to ring him up and say How are
you going, Ray. Perhaps it s my turn to give you some support?

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Anyway, my point here is not to spit my dummy. And I ll be the
first to admit that I don t have a clue about big business,
insurance laws, or anything of the sort. But I know a good man
when I meet one, and Ray Williams is a good man and someone whom
I m proud to call my friend. And I ll be buggered if I m going
stand by and listen to people pouring crap out on a mate of mine
without saying anything.

To be truthful, I don t expect that Ray will ever fully regain
his former reputation or standing. I know too much about how the
media works and about how our court system works to ever expect
real justice. As with my friends Jim and Morde, I m not holding
my breath waiting for the truth to come out. No. I ll look to the
day when the kingdom of this world will become the kingdom of our
Lord and Christ. When that day comes, all the crap will be sorted
out.

About the Author

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker,professional fighter, father of three. Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to help fund his work. He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, Sydney,and has received numerous awards for his work with young people

Get a free preview of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist’ when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

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Freedom of Religion

 by: Skye Thomas

We were all taught in school that our forefathers left England to escape religious dictatorships. Okay, there was a lot more to it then that, but it was a big enough deal that they made sure it got honorable mention in our rulebook. They clearly made the point that we were to have freedom of religion here in America. They also used the word “God” in some of their formal paperwork and even on our money. I don’t want to argue politics here, but rather semantics. They didn’t say “freedom of Christianity,” they said “freedom of religion.” The boys who wrote up all of our formal paperwork were wordsmiths and they debated long and hard to find the perfect set of words to govern ourselves by. It wasn’t decided that we had the freedom to choose whichever form of Christianity that we liked, but whichever form of religion. Religion is in and of itself a much broader concept then Christianity. “God” can mean a lot more then just the Christian definition too.

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No, I don’t agree with all the bickering and arguing over whether or not there should be prayers in school or if the Pledge of Allegiance is constitutional. You can’t stop someone from praying whenever or wherever they choose. Nor can you force a prayer out of someone either. It’s a dumb thing to argue about and not worth being offended over either way. I think it’s important to teach out children what our country’s Pledge of Allegiance is, but I don’t know that it’s right to force anyone to state a pledge, especially children. Seems a bit dictator like and kind of like brainwashing. Teach them what it means. Teach them what prayer means. Teach them what making a pledge of any kind means whether it’s a pledge of one’s allegiance to their country’s flag, a pledge of fidelity to a spouse, or a pledge of loyalty to a boss. But also teach them that in this country we have the freedom to make pledges or not. Teach them that in this country we have the freedom to pray to whoever or whatever we likeand the freedom not to pray. Teach them just how important that freedom is.

I’m saddened when I hear of Pagan’s being persecuted for their spiritual beliefs in this country. Did the Sunday school teachers forget to mention that using the colors green and red for Christmas is Pagan? Did they mention that Christmas lights, yule logs, and wreaths are all Pagan? Did they mention that almost every single Christian holiday is celebrated ironically on top of a Pagan festival? Why do you think we have bunnies, baby chicks, and pretty flowers as part of our Easter celebration? Because it coincides with the Pagan’s celebrations of Spring’s renewal. From what I can see, Pagans aren’t all evil ugly witches anymore than all Christians are white supremacists.

I don’t have a deep knowledge of all of the different religions of the world, but I can tell you that it doesn’t take much research to see that they’re all very much the same. Get past which church uses which secret handshake and which rule book you should follow, and you find that they’re all teaching us to respect each other, to love each other, to conduct yourself with honor, and to be good to the planet and animals that we’re blessed with. The rest is all dogma and debatable. Nobody has any real concrete proof that their particular form of God is the only one. Who’s to say that God or Jesus isn’t wise enough to visit more than once using different names and different forms? Wouldn’t it make sense given the size of the planet that the rest of the world would need to be given a fair chance at knowing about God too? Is Buddha so very different from Jesus? Their teachings are incredibly similar. Why limit God to a concept that only fits what your particular culture or region of the world knows about?

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Another thing that always puzzled me is why prophets and seers are allowed to channel holy books and tell of the Messiah’s coming, but then we’re told by the churches that being psychic is demonic? It seems a bit contradictory to me. Every psychic I’ve ever met lost power over their visions if they weren’t acting in the highest good. Most of the psychics I’ve met believe very deeply in a form of God or some sort of a higher magical loving guidance over us. They’re visions into the other side created that belief. There’s nothing quite like chatting with the All-Mighty to make a believer out of you. Isn’t prayer in and of itself a form of telepathic psychic connection with the other side?

It just seems to me that if we quit arguing over what words, labels, and names we give these concepts and quit arguing over methods of prayer and such that we’d see that we’re all so much more alike then we are different. I’ve known three different Catholic men who fell in love with the Buddhist faith because it so beautifully highlights the teachings of Christ. I really believe that is what we’re meant to do. All of the holy books tell us to love one another. You can’t truly love someone if you don’t take the time to really get to know them and what they stand for. Shouldn’t we learn about each other from a place of love rather than from a place of judgement? Nobody can prove that anyone else’s religion is wrong and nobody can prove that theirs is right. Too many translators over the course of history to be able to be 100% sure about anything any more. We can’t really assume that the others are completely wrong and we can’t assume that our own religion is completely right. Religion and God isso much more than we can fully understand at this time.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

About The Author Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to http://www.TomorrowsEdge.net. Ah. Now you just be absorbent to the ideas shown here. Unerringly it would add to your awareness. Do explore our articles on religion too. At the close of this material you’ll have an access to the important contents. Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net

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Communication is a key component to maintaining a healthy and nurturing relationship. One of the most common and damaging relationship pitfalls is the unheard problem that erodes a relationship over time.

Unfortunately, we are not taught how to get our feelings heard and our needs met without fighting with our partner. When you are spitting mad, taking the time to actually sit down and think about what is going on with you is easier said than done. Here are five STEPS that will help you get your feelings heard, your needs met, and lead to constructive problem resolution.

Set Boundaries
Think before you act
Express
Peace
Sync up and acknowledge

1) Boundaries

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While you and your partner are in a good place, establish boundaries for resolving a problem. Boundaries are lines that you draw to protect yourself from behavior that you find damaging. These boundaries should be anything that either you or your partner deems destructive to your communication process. It is important to remember that this is not about consensus. If one partner has a boundary of not yelling in anger and the other partner has a boundary of no swearing, both boundaries are honored. Not breaking the ground rules you both establish for disagreements will go a long way in constructive communication.

2) Think before you act

When you find yourself getting angry or resentful toward your partner, it is easy to slip into blaming. Blaming will only lead to more hurt and anger. Now is the time to get clear about how you feel and what you need. Let’s use a simplified example to demonstrate the process: your partner is two hours late getting home, and hasn t called.

Our common response when we are angry is to attack. The second the person comes in the door, the screaming starts. This accomplishes little, and will likely lead to an argument. Pretty soon the argument escalates to include any sins committed since the beginning of the relationship. The best option for you before you discuss this with your partner is to get clear about your feelings.

Think about how you feel, and why. Sometimes it helps to write it all out. When you first start this process, let yourself just vent. This helps dissipate some of that energy and helps you move to a place where you can focus on your feelings. Do you feel afraid, alone, unimportant or all three? Get to a place where you can use I statements to describe how you feel. “I feel afraid. I feel unimportant.” It will probably take some time to get to a place where it is about how you feel, not what the person did. Give yourself the gift of taking that time.

After you re clear about how you feel, focus on what you need. What do I need to help me feel better about this situation? How can I get my needs met? Can I meet this need myself or do I need help? “I need for people to call me when they are going to be more than 15 minutes late. ”

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When you feel focused and centered on your feelings and what you need, take some time to think about why you love the person. It is always helpful to remember some of the good things a person has added to your life, and will help you come from a loving place when you express your needs.

3) Express Your Needs

Now the time has come to express yourself to your partner. Remember, this is about getting your feelings heard and your needs met.

1. Ask the person if they can talk with you. Make sure that you have given the person enough time for his or her own processing. “I want to talk with you about upset I was. Is this a good time for you?
2. Tell the person how much you love them. “I just want to tell you how much I love you and how important our relationship is to me.” This may sound strange but it actually helps relax the other person so that they can actually listen to you. In addition, it will help the person be more receptive your needs. Remember, this about getting your needs met!
3. Express how you feel. “I feel angry and upset right now. I feel unimportant when a person is late and does not let me know.”
4. Tell the person what you need. “What I really need from you is to call me when you are going to be more than 15 minutes late.”
5. Ask the person for support. “This is really important to me, is this something you can do for me?”

In most cases, if you follow this process the person will be more than happy to meet your needs and more likely to follow through on their support. You will feel heard and the disagreement should feel resolved.

4) Peace

Check back with your feelings and determine if you still feel angry or resentful. If you are, there is probably more that is going on and the process should be repeated. If you do still feel angry, make sure it is real anger. Sometimes we think that the only way to win is for the other person to lose, and we feel dissatisfied without the knock down, drag out fight. Hopefully, you will feel really good at this point, your anger will be gone and your needs met. This is a good time to give each other a hug and reaffirm that you love each other.

5) Sync up & Acknowledge

A couple days later, check in with yourself and with your partner to ensure that the matter has been resolved. When the person supports your needs in the way that you requested, make sure you acknowledge that and tell them how much their support means to you. This will reinforce the behavior and ensure that your needs will continue to be met.

These steps will go a long way to improving your communication with your partner during a disagreement. This will probably feel a little strange at first. It will take practice. Think about how wonderful it will be to get what you need without energy-draining, defensive, and damaging fights. Remember, this is not about blame and what the other person did wrong . This is about getting your feelings heard and your needs fulfilled. You and your partner will both be happier with the result.

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About the Author

Jennifer Ottolino is a Personal and Professional Discovery Coach who specializes in helping individuals live a balanced and fulfilled personal and professional life. Send her an email at jen@coachjen.com or visit her website at coachjen.com

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Anchoring is an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) term used to describe the mind s tendency to associate two unrelated events or experiences, especially when a strong emotion is present.

For example, if your mother fed you chicken soup when you were ill as a child, you will always associate chicken soup to being loved and cared for.

On the down side, if you once contracted food poisoning from eating tainted pickles, just the smell of pickles will be enough to bring on a feeling of nausea many years after the event.

How does anchoring work in relationships?

If you come home from work elated by a promotion and see your lover s face, you will link that feeling of elation to the sight of his or her face. By the same token, if you hate your job and constantly talk about those feelings over dinner with your spouse, you’ll unconsciously begin to associate the bad feelings with him or her.

In that case, you must make a conscious effort to share more good times with them so you will more readily associate positive feelings to the sight of their face.

Sharing good times creates positive anchors or associations. It helps you to weather the less positive times that every couple experiences at some stage in their relationship.

Breaking up is often the result of linking too many negative anchors to the sight of your partner s face, with no knowledge of how to counteract them by deliberately creating positive ones.

Here s a common example. A young doctor whose wife works to help him through medical school may decide to divorce her after he graduates. This is because he associates the sight of her face to the hard times they experienced during those years. Of course this is all unconscious all he knows is that he feels bad whenever he looks at her. He mistakenly takes this as a sign that the relationship isn t working.

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Now that you know how anchoring works, use it intentionally to improve your relationship.

1. Plan positive events together and make sure you don t let any negativity intrude on the event. Save arguments or disagreements for a later time.

2. During the height of an intensely positive moment you are sharing:
a. touch your loved one lightly on the knee or arm
b. squeeze the person s hand or
c. put your arms around him or her.
The next time you repeat the same gesture with this person in some other context, it will reawaken some of those original emotions in them.

In a similar way, if you touch someone in a specific way when they are feeling sad, for example, you squeeze their shoulder or put an arm around them at a funeral, touching them later in the same way will reawaken those feelings of sadness. So be careful about what sorts of emotions you are associating to your touch, words or face.

How does this apply to gifts?

A gift is by its nature an anchor. Every time the recipient looks at the gift, they will remember the occasion when they received it, especially if they experienced strong emotions at the time.

So you can help guarantee that your gift will be a strong ongoing anchor if you make sure that you create a truly memorable experience such as an extremely romantic evening - when you present the gift.

A woman will always remember following a trail of rose petals in her lover s apartment to find the necklace he purchased for her birthday.

A man will always remember being presented with his own personal star by a lover dressed only in a star-patterned bra and g-string.

It s also important to consider the opposite effect.

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Never give a gift by way of apology. You don t want to create negative anchors by giving gifts after an argument.

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If you give your wife a diamond ring to apologize for the fact that she caught you cheating with your secretary, the ring will always remind her of your infidelity.

If you give your husband a new watch to apologize for crashing his BMW, he ll remember your transgression every time he checks the time.

Even if those memories don’t make it to conscious awareness, they’re lurking just under the surface. It makes better sense to allow them to fade away, instead of attaching them to physical objects like gifts.

Keep things simple. A genuine apology is all that s required after an argument. Save gifts for positive occasions.

About the Author

Marguerite Bonneville
Marguerite Bonneville is a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) whose passion is publishing information online. She is a contributing writer at http://www.romantic-gift-ideas-online.com, a resource site dedicated to helping visitors find the perfect romantic gift.

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Finding A Scholarship Or College Grant

 by: Chris Davis

The cost of a college education has risen to unthinkable levels over the last two decades. Few parents have the extra cash on hand to cover these costs, so student loans and mounting debt have become a reality for many students. Image graduating with an outstanding debt of 50 to 100 thousand dollars. It almost defeats the purpose of getting that degree in the first place. With no end to tuition increases in sight, financial aid packages are essential for most students.

Fortunately, aid opportunities have also multiplied in recent years. Scholarships and grants were once thought of as only available for the poor or the brightest students. That is no longer true. These days, almost everyone is eligible for some type of award.

Free money for college can be divided into two basic categories: scholarships (usually merit based) and grants (usually need based). Of course, many other conditions apply to various awards. Minority status, gender, career plans, and field of study are the most common qualifiers for today s financial aid awards. Almost everyone can use one of these categories to focus their search for aid.

One of the best sources for college grants is the federal government. Be sure to submit The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) as soon as possible. This will tell you if you are eligible for a Pell grant, and colleges will use this information to determine if you qualify for a school-sponsored grant. Private grant foundations may also require the FAFSA be completed before considering you for an award.

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Ideally, a student would start looking for scholarships during the junior year of high school. This may seem early, but some awards require an application be submitted the year before you begin your first semester in college. Furthermore, collecting the names and contact information of prospective awards can take months. You must also factor in time for completing lengthy application forms, writing essays, and scheduling interviews.

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In your search for scholarships, focus on three main sources. First, search your local community. Start with the high school councilor s office, your local library, churches, community organizations, and any corporation that is based nearby. Next, contact the financial aid office of each college you are considering. They can tell you about all school-based awards that may not appear in the standard listings. Finally, use the Internet. The standard search engine is of some use, but dedicated scholarship search sites are a tremendous resource. Some of these data banks have up to 800,000 awards indexed. Best of all, you can search based on a personal profile that will match scholarships to your unique situation.

Of course, this article can only get you started in the right direction. College funding is a complicated process and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Remember that almost half of all college students receive some type of aid, so the chances of success are good. With a dedicated and organized search plan, you can get your share too.

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About The Author By Chris Davis. Get more information on college financial aid and conduct your own scholarship search at http://www.educationwebresources.com, home of the Internet Guide to Funding your Education, as well as other useful services and products for students and teachers.

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Baby Clothes - Daywear, Nightwear And Special

 by: Roy Thomsitt

When choosing and buying baby clothes, parents can be faced with many choices that, in the baby’s younger days, can seem quite confusing. Striking a balance between practical and cute, fashionable and comfortable, need and impulse, and night and day can all play their part in affecting decisions on what baby clothes to buy, and in what quantity.

All of these difficulties in choosing baby clothes are made worse by the fact that babies grow so quickly. You do not necessarily buy to fit now, but fit for the next few months if at all possible.

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When buying the first baby clothes, and even with follow up shopping sprees as the baby grows, it can be helpful to remember a simple division rule, a rule of three. Your baby will basically need three types of clothes: daytime clothes, night wear (or sleepwear), and clothes for going out.

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The baby sleepwear will likely outweigh the other categories, as sleeping is what babies spend most of their time doing in the early stages. But how do you decide what numbers to buy of each? Well, that may depend on how often you want to do laundry, but you will soon find a level that suits both your routine and the level of cleanliness and smartness you want for your baby.

Daywear

The clothes you have for your baby to wear around the home should, most of all, be comfortable, easy to access for changing diapers, and simple. These are the clothing articles that your baby will spend most of her time in, so they are bound to get dirty. When the baby dribbles, brings up her milk, crawls around on the floor, or does any of the other messy baby pastimes, these clothes are going to bear the brunt of the soiling. Because of this, you will probably not want your baby to wear her best outfits, such as special gifts, around the home all the time.

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The best clothes for day to day needs are probably simple body suits. Onesies is a brand name, but the term has stuck as a description for this type of one piece baby wear. I seem to recall calling them growbags with my first two children, but that was because I am a keen gardener! You will probably need between five and ten of these one piece baby suits to keep on top of daily requirements.

Sleepwear or Nightwear

Baby clothing for sleeping should meet some of the same needs as the daywear, at least in terms of comfort, and accessibility for changing. In fact, if you live in a warm climate, you may be able to get away with using similar clothes night and day. However, if you live in a colder region with colder nights, then a warmer version of the day wear would be needed, or heavier knit pyjamas or similar sleepwear. It is all common sense really, and it will not be long before your baby tells you in no uncertain terms what she is comfortable in, and cannot abide.

Dressing Up For Special Occasions

For outdoor baby wear, the parents have a chance to dress baby up to look smart and nice. This is where some of those baby shower gifts may come into their own, or the baby clothes that have taken your eye at the local department store.

However, these items should still be checked for their practicality, making sure that straps, snaps, bows and so on do not interfere with diaper changing, or cause any discomfort to the baby. You can, though, show off a bit, and it won’t be long before baby wants to dress up to go out. I know our baby daughter delighted in dressing up by the age of one year, and at 20 months now she struts around like a teenage fashion model as she waits to get out the front door.

About The Author Roy Thomsitt is the owner and author of http://www.bouncing-new-baby.com. roy@change-direction.com

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Mommy…Daddy…is there really a Santa Claus?

 by: Mark Bulleit

Is there really a Santa Claus? Any parent who hasn’t been faced with this question most likely will at some point. But how do you answer this? No one wants to crush a child’s dreams of Santa and holiday magic.

Some kids, like me, are crushed at school when they hear from a classmate that they found all their presents under their parents’ bed, thus, proving there really is no Santa. Then, reasoning sets in, which is about the time they begin to wonder why they have been told this fairy tale all this time as it was the truth.

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So, is there truly a Santa Claus? Well, if you are in this position you will probably be glad to hear that the only true answer to this question is…yes, absolutely.

The name “Santa Claus” came from the Dutch “Sinter Klass” pronunciation of St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas was a Christian priest, who later became a bishop. He was a wealthy person, and traveled the country helping others, giving gifts of money and other presents. St. Nicholas chose to remain hidden while giving these gifts, so the children were told to go to sleep quickly or he would not come!

One famous story is about a poor man who had no money to give to his three daughters on their wedding day. St. Nicholas dropped bags of gold into the stockings which the girls had left to dry by the fire. Ever since, children have hung up stockings on Christmas Eve hoping that they will be filled with gifts by Christmas morning.

According to the Catholics, a saint is one who lived such a holy life that, after dying and going to heaven, is still able to help people on earth.

In the 1500’s people in England stopped worshipping St. Nicholas and favored another gift giving figure Father Christmas.

Now, no matter what your religious preference is or if you even believe in Saints, doesn’t change that St. Nicholas represents a selfless act of giving. Rather it be material gifts, money where needed or the often most valuable gift of a little of your time, it’s about the act of helping someone else for no other reason then just because they need it.

As St. Nicholas had figured out as a young man, we truly, as adults, begin to understand Santa Claus when we realize that the best gift of all is not on the receiving end, but being the one giving. And being rich doesn’t always mean having a lot of money. Often, especially these days, taking the time to spend with someone, inviting them over for dinner or even putting food on their table, can make all the difference.

But how do we explain this to a child? Well, we do it in stages. They first have to learn how much receiving a gift meant to them to understand how much it means to others. And Santa Claus, well he is a perception of a truly magical holiday spirit presented to them in a way with which they can associate at this point in their lives.

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So, how do we, as parents, answer this question in a way our young children will understand? You, as a parent, should decide when it’s time to come clean. You can meter this by deciding when you feel they will understand that Santa Claus really does exist in all of us and he often means something different to each person they’ll meet. A child grasping this is a big step towards learning what the holidays are truly all about.

© Mark Bulleit - All rights reserved.

http://www.GreetingsFromSanta.com

About The Author O.K. Be positive that your probe would go ahead of this point. Just keep on reading, there are more details to follow. Mark Bulleit is the developer/co-founder of the popular GreetingsFromSanta.com offering personal letters from Santa. Light up your child’s face like never before this holiday season at http://www.greetingsfromsanta.com mark@greetingsfromsanta.com

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There’s a new kind of fun and calm out there in the name of the Better Behavior Wheel, invented by Julie Butler and her family in central British Columbia. In an interesting twist on charts and discipline, this versatile wheel can be hung on a wall or toted with you in the car and on vacations.

It’s a way to get whole family involvement, and a little bit of humor to get us over the discipline bumps. Kayla Fay, publisher of Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet? says, “This is the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down! Only a loving parent could come up with such an effective way to discipline children.”

As the Wheel Turns

Originally, the wheel sprang from constant battles between Julie’s 9- and 12-year-old children, David and Laura. With battles raging in their home, Julie and her husband decided they must find some way to keep the peace. Julie says, “We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet. One night, in desperation, we called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family.”

The kids were sent to their room to come up with at least six appropriate consequences for their next fight. David and Laura presented the family with consequences like:

Clean the other person’s room
Do dishes for the other person
Make the other person’s bed for a week
Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week
Make a list of ten good things about the other person
Hug and make up .

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These suggestions were arranged around the perimeter of a board, and a spinner attached to the middle. The premise was that the spinner would choose the consequence for them, and they would hang the board in plain view in the kitchen. Julie remembers, “We crossed our fingers, and waited. And waited. It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we’d see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped.”

Of course, the battle was won, but not the war. Ten days later, the fighting began again, but this time they were prepared. Says Julie, “We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!”

Once the fighting subsided, Julie realized there were other behaviors she also wished to curb. “It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they’d leave the TV on when they went to bed. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?”

Eventually, eight themes were added:

Excessive Arguing
Leaving the Lights On
Not Putting Things Away
A Job Poorly Done
Stretching the Truth
Taking Without Asking
Talking Back
Wheel of Just Desserts (rewards)

Forty-eight consequences and 16 rewards are printed on peel-and-stick paper with colorful eye-catching graphics, enabling parents to customize the wheel to meet their family’s needs. Just cut them out and stick them on. It’s very easy to make up your own consequences and themes.

Interestingly, Julie says the wheel lowers her stress, keeps the consequences appropriate, and removes parents from the “Bad Guy” label. In the past, she and her husband would have to repeatedly ask David to do something, only to hear him say, “I know.” This would come to a boil, and in anger they would yell and exact a punishment too harsh for the infraction.

Now, the wheel does all the work.

“David, it’s 8:15; you haven’t started the dishes yet. I’m afraid we’ll have to spin the wheel.”

“But, Mom!”

“I’m sorry, Dear. It’s really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don’t land on a really bad consequence.”

Julie says, “The amazing thing is, we’re no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It’s no longer ‘us against them’. It’s the wheel that they have to answer to. But the greatest thing of all is that we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder.”

What Else?

The Butlers’ website, http://www.better-behavior.com , shows some parents of ADHD children have found the wheel to be a wonderful program. That is great news for many! Every parent should work with their child’s personality and decide if the wheel is right for them, keeping in mind that every program doesn’t work with every child.

There are a couple of letters on Julie’s site from parents asking for help with children who are completely out of control. One mother says her five-year-old “beats (his big sister), kills animals, curses, and destroys everything in his path.” Another mother said her six-year-old adopted daughter has angry outbursts and goes in cycles. She wondered what to do when her child refuses the consequences and it starts another battle.

These are warning signs of something more serious than just a discipline problem. Often, young children and teenagers exhibiting these symptoms have a physical problem that can cause behavioral changes, such as infections, Lyme Disease and thyroid problems. Mental disorders such as early-onset bipolar disorder can also cause very similar symptoms and must be diagnosed and treated immediately.

In these cases, the Wheel would not be appropriate and medical intervention is needed immediately. For help, contact your pediatrician and look for information on these diseases and disorders on the Internet.

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However, there is still a possibility that the wheel will be valuable with a child who is stabilized. Again, parents will have to make the decision to try the wheel according to each child.

The Last Word

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Parents of children with normal behavior and discipline problems are encouraged to try this wheel and have a little fun with discipline! Bringing the whole family into the discipline decision-making is an excellent way to work as a team and come to a peaceful solution. The wheel isn’t meant to exact negative punishment on a child, but rather remind them to pick their battles and mind their parents.

Teachers and parents alike will find the wheel very useful in classrooms and homes everywhere with children ages four and up!

About the Author

Gina Ritter is a personal life coach for parents and publisher of
www.naturalfamilyonline.com. She lives in New York with her husband and
three boys (who also spin in the kitchen).

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