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A Dad’s Thoughts On Dad’s day

 by: Lee Wise

(21 Reasons I Love Being A Dad) © Lee Wise All rights reserved

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But you will read this, guaranteed: thoughts created on Father’s Day from a guy who loves being a dad.

21 REASONS I LOVE BEING A DAD… AND AN OLDER ONE AT THAT

I love the privilege of seeking to inspire, encourage and help my children.

I love loving their mother.

I love the home movies I experience. The live ones. The in house “reality shows” if you please. Kids raggin’ on each other, telling mom and dad stories one more time, hugs at the door, serious discussions begun spontaneously, phone calls to say “Hi, I love you,” and small hands pressed on a glass door to see the wonder of all wonders: the neighbor’s black cat.

I love happy birthday songs: songs sung in love and received the same way — in love.

I love watching my kids with their kids.

I love the smiles of children and grandchildren.

I love good memories, family pictures on the walls, and cards from “Father’s Days past.”

I love the journey of growing with my children.

I love helping when I can and hurting when I can’t. No, I don’t enjoy the pain. It’s the honor of trying to help because “I’m a dad” that I enjoy.

I love the privilege of praying for my children. I have the distinct honor of joining the heart of God with the needs, desires and dreams of my children.

I love being able to say, “Forgive me” when needed.

I love hearing “Mammaw” sing songs to her grandchildren.

I love being called “Pap.”

I love sharing the lives of the kids with their mother.

I love watching the joy in the eyes of my wife as she talks on the phone with her children. (A *very* frequent event in our home I might add!)

I love giving the grandkids back to my kids just about the moment I think I’m going under (or moments thereafter!).

I love hearing the laughter of family in the other room.

I love being a friend as well as being a dad.

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I love being a father-in-law.

I love memories of my dad loving me.

I love being challenged by my wife’s love for each child, grandchild, and son-in-law.

DID I MENTION…

I love being a dad?!

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

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© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this article. The copyright and this resource box must be included. mailto:Lee@hope-for-daily-living.com

Mailing Lists Without Limits - From AWeber! E-mail follow up, ad tracking,& real-time stats –> http://lee.aweber.com

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About The Author Lee writes family-friendly article and is the author and publisher of two ezines. Persmission is given to freely distribute the article. The copyright and resource box must be included. Lee@hope-for-daily-living.com

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It s been weeks since you went riding. Now you have time to ride this afternoon and there ain t no one gonna stop you. Excited, you saddle up your horse and get on him. You get about 50 feet from the barn and your horse turns around and goes back and you can t stop him. Why? You have a barn spoiled horse. This is a common scenario for novice horse owners.

Here are the top three tricks to solve the barn sour problem.

Teach your horse that you have control over him. Once your horse gets it in his mind that you can make him do what you want him to do, you have control over him and can thus make him leave the barn. One way to get control over him is to use a training technique called doubling. When you double your horse you teach him you can control him.

It doesn t take long before your horse will know you can control him. Be careful when doubling though. If you do it too much at a time you can over do it. Your horse could get so sensitive to you doing it that he may try to anticipate it. If he sees your hands making the slightest movement that looks like you re about to double him, he may double himself. Thus, just double him four to six times a day on both sides. He ll quickly learn you have control.

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The next thing you can try is this: Make it dang hard to do the wrong thing and make it real easy to do the right thing. Here s what I mean. A while back my horse didn t want to leave her buddies or the barn. We d get about 100 feet away and she d turn around and bolt back. She d stop in front of the barn expecting me to get off, remove the saddle and tack, and put her back into the corrals.

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By my barn is two hay stacks. There is a space between them big enough to go through and do figure eights around the hay stacks. So every time she d go back I would make her work, and work, and work at running figure eights around those hay stacks. Then I would test her to see if she had enough and would leave the area.

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The first seven times she ran back. Each time we came back to the barn we d run more laps around the hay stacks. I could tell she was getting tired. But the eighth time I walked her away from the hay stacks I noticed she went quite a ways before turning to go back.

When we went back again we ran more figure eights. Only this time I could tell we didn t have to do too many. I walked her out and away from doing the figure eights and I suddenly had a horse who decided that it was sooo much nicer going for a walk away from the barn rather than doing a bunch of crummy ol figure eights. We had a nice ride that day and she was in no hurry to get home.

The last thing to do is this: Ride. Ride a lot. Don t wait for weeks or months in between riding. Try to ride at least once per week for three or four hours. Preferably, try to ride at least twice a week for a few hours at a time. (Ideally, you should ride everyday. But that s hard to do with today s time constraints) Doing that your horse will get in his brain that you re going to ride and he s going to leave the barn and there will be no argument. In fact, if you want to have a great horse the biggest secret is this: Ride the heck out him!

So if your horse is barn spoiled you can try doubling him to show you are in control. The next thing you can try is making the wrong thing difficult and the right thing easy. Make it dang hard for him to go the wrong thing and very pleasant to do the right thing. And lastly, ride your horse often. Two to three times a week if possible.

About the Author

Andy Curry is a nationally known horse trainer and author
of several best selling horse training and horse care books.
For information visit his website at www.horsetrainingandtips.com.
He is also the leading expert on Jesse Beery’s horse training
methods which can be seen at www.horsetrainingandtips.com/Jesse_Beerya.

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In their book “Personality Disorders in Modern Life”, Theodore Millon and Roger Davis state, as a matter of fact, that pathological narcissism was the preserve of “the royal and the wealthy” and that it “seems to have gained prominence only in the late twentieth century”. Narcissism, according to them, may be associated with “higher levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs … Individuals in less advantaged nations .. are too busy trying (to survive) … to be arrogant and grandiose”.

They - like Lasch before them - attribute pathological narcissism to “a society that stresses individualism and self-gratification at the expense of community, namely the United States.” They assert that the disorder is more prevalent among certain professions with “star power” or respect. “In an individualistic culture, the narcissist is ‘God’s gift to the world’. In a collectivist society, the narcissist is ‘God’s gift to the collective’”.

Millon quotes Warren and Caponi’s “The Role of Culture in the Development of Narcissistic Personality Disorders in America, Japan and Denmark”:

“Individualistic narcissistic structures of self-regard (in individualistic societies) … are rather self-contained and independent … (In collectivist cultures) narcissistic configurations of the we-self … denote self-esteem derived from strong identification with the reputation and honor of the family, groups, and others in hierarchical relationships.”

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Having lived in the last 20 years 12 countries in 4 continents - from the impoverished to the affluent, with individualistic and collectivist societies - I know that Millon and Davis are wrong. Theirs is, indeed, the quintessential American point of view which lacks an intimate knowledge of other parts of the world. Millon even wrongly claims that the DSM’s international equivalent, the ICD, does not include the narcissistic personality disorder (it does).

Pathological narcissism is a ubiquitous phenomenon because every human being - regardless of the nature of his society and culture - develops healthy narcissism early in life. Healthy narcissism is rendered pathological by abuse - and abuse, alas, is a universal human behavior. By “abuse” we mean any refusal to acknowledge the emerging boundaries of the individual - smothering, doting, and excessive expectations - are as abusive as beating and incest.

There are malignant narcissists among subsistence farmers in Africa, nomads in the Sinai desert, day laborers in east Europe, and intellectuals and socialites in Manhattan. Malignant narcissism is all-pervasive and independent of culture and society.

It is true, though, that the WAY pathological narcissism manifests and is experienced is dependent on the particulars of societies and cultures. In some cultures, it is encouraged, in others suppressed. In some societies it is channeled against minorities - in others it is tainted with paranoia. In collectivist societies, it may be projected onto the collective, in individualistic societies, it is an individual’s trait.

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Yet, can families, organizations, ethnic groups, churches, and even whole nations be safely described as “narcissistic” or “pathologically self-absorbed”? Wouldn’t such generalizations be a trifle racist and more than a trifle wrong? The answer is: it depends.

Human collectives - states, firms, households, institutions, political parties, cliques, bands - acquire a life and a character all their own. The longer the association or affiliation of the members, the more cohesive and conformist the inner dynamics of the group, the more persecutory or numerous its enemies, the more intensive the physical and emotional experiences of the individuals it is comprised of, the stronger the bonds of locale, language, and history - the more rigorous might an assertion of a common pathology be.

Such an all-pervasive and extensive pathology manifests itself in the behavior of each and every member. It is a defining - though often implicit or underlying - mental structure. It has explanatory and predictive powers. It is recurrent and invariable - a pattern of conduct melded with distorted cognition and stunted emotions. And it is often vehemently denied.

A possible DSM-like list of criteria for narcissistic organizations or groups:

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning at the group’s early history and present in various contexts. Persecution and abuse are often the causes - or at least the antecedents - of the pathology.

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Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - feel grandiose and self-important (e.g., they exaggerate the group’s achievements and talents to the point of lying, demand to be recognized as superior - simply for belonging to the group and without commensurate achievement).
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - are obsessed with group fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance, bodily beauty or performance, or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering ideals or political theories.
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - are firmly convinced that the group is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status groups (or institutions).
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - require excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wish to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - feel entitled. They expect unreasonable or special and favourable priority treatment. They demand automatic and full compliance with expectations. They rarely accept responsibility for their actions (”alloplastic defences”). This often leads to anti-social behaviour, cover-ups, and criminal activities on a mass scale.
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - are “interpersonally exploitative”, i.e., use others to achieve their own ends. This often leads to anti-social behaviour, cover-ups, and criminal activities on a mass scale.
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - are devoid of empathy. They are unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of other groups. This often leads to anti- social behaviour, cover-ups, and criminal activities on a mass scale.
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - are constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about them. This often leads to anti-social behaviour, cover-ups, and criminal activities on a mass scale.
The group as a whole, or members of the group - acting as such and by virtue of their association and affiliation with the group - are arrogant and sport haughty behaviors or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, punished, limited, or confronted. This often leads to anti-social behavior, cover-ups, and criminal activities on a mass scale.

About the Author

Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He is the the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.

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Alternative Ways of Naming a Baby

 by: Tony Luck

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Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism. Most still are, but increasingly parents are choosing an alternative, non-religious ceremony.

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There are three types of service available at a Church.

The traditional Infant Baptism (which most people call a ‘christening’), here the parents declare the child to be a follower of Jesus Christ;

A service of Dedication, when the parents make promises about the upbringing of their child - these services are common in Baptist churches; and

A Thanksgiving for the Gift of a Child, a service of Blessing which is based on what Jesus did when children were brought to Him. This service is increasingly popular in the Anglican Church as parents are less inclined to make promises on the child’s behalf that he or she may not wish to keep later in life.

Many parents don’t go to church themselves and don’t want to have their child named in a church service. There are alternatives.

You can hold a family gathering at your own home or a hired venue near home at which the baby is named. You can do this yourself, have a senior member of the family perform the naming, or bring someone in to hold a formal ceremony.

The Baby Naming Society will help you to put on a religious or non-religious ceremony. For a small fee they will provide:

A personalized script from a choice of ceremonies;

A short program which can be copied for your guests;

A certificate for you to keep as a memento of the service;

Copies of readings chosen from the Society’s selection.

Another source worth looking at is the British Humanist Association where you will be able to get similar advice. The BHA is a non-religious organization. A helpful book, New Arrivals, is available. Contact them at humanism.org.uk.

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About The Author Tony Luck runs a website about having babies http://www.baby-talk.co.uk and a gift shop with unique gifts for a christening or to welcome a new baby. Visit it at http://www.gifts-4-baby.co.uk.

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Baby Shower Gift Ideas

 by: Adriana Copaceanu

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A few guests can get together and get a big laundry basket. Place in it a long clothes line with outfits, diapers, bibs, etc. pinned to it. It can also be used as a room decoration. It has a bit of everything and something to carry it in!

Baby Quilt - here’s a great gift from those that love to sew and quilt. Find an alphabet quilt pattern. Each square has a letter of the alphabet on it and a picture of an object that started with that letter. It can have numbers too. Each guest can be given/sent a square before the shower and can embroider, quilt, or embellish it according to her own taste. If the quilt is meant to be a wall hanging, guests can also attach little items like rattles and toys. Be sure that everyone signs their own block in some way and have the blocks returned by a certain date in order to have it put together. This can also be used as a decoration at the shower.

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Make a scrapbook album. Take blank scrapbook pages and have everyone write down their well wishes (without Mom knowing it) for the new baby. This can be done at or before the shower and can be given at the shower or to Mom while she is in the hospital. If given after the shower, it can include photos taken there.

Pass out sheets of heavy paper decorated with baby related stamps, stickers, or pictures several lines drawn on. Have the guests write their name on the paper and then write down some baby/parenting advice. Once everyone is finished, collect them, add a cover, punch holes in it, and tie it together with some ribbon. Then hand it to Mom to read aloud. This will be entertaining as well as touching and is a nice keepsake. There is tons of room for creativity on this one.

Have each guest bring an extra gift (small item recommended) for Daddy-to-be and the host of the shower will then place them in large gift bag to present to him at the close of the party (usually after the main gifts are opened). He opens this with Mommy-to-be at home or in presence of close family or friends.

Diaper Shower For a second (or more) baby, consider a diaper shower. Ask each guest to bring only a package of diapers as a gift. Some guests may bring other gifts also, but Mom will end up with a mountain of diapers something she’ll really need! Items could also include anything associated with diapering such as wipes, ointment, powder, etc.

Casserole Shower For the mother who has everything already, how about a Casserole Shower? Have each guest bring a casserole or other ready-to-cook meal that can be frozen or stored until after the baby is born. Be sure to have the containers clearly labeled with contents and any cooking instructions. How helpful that will be when Mom and Baby come home!

Book Party Have each guest purchase and give a copy of their favorite childhood book.

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About The Author Adriana Copaceanu provides people with creative gift ideas that don’t blow the bank. Gift Baskets for Baby to Birthday and Beyond, are just some gift ideas you’ll find at her site: http://www.abcgiftsandbaskets.com. Want regular reminders on gift-giving? Sign up for her free monthly newsletter at http://www.abcgiftsandbaskets.com/gift-news-signup.htm

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Everyone Should Have A Living Will

 by: David G. Hallstrom, Sr.

According to information provided by http://www.plan-my-estate.com an an estate planning and asset protection resource web site, a living will, known in most states as a Directive to Physicians or Healthcare Directive, sets out your wishes about what extended medical treatment should be withheld or provided if you become unable to communicate those wishes. The directive creates a contract with the attending doctor. Once the doctor receives a properly signed and witnessed directive, he or she is under a duty either to honor its instructions or to make sure you are transferred to the care of another doctor who will.

There is an old saying, “nothing is sure in life except death and taxes”. Whether you like it or not, someday you will die. How you die and how it effects the people you leave behind can be affected by whether or not you have a living will.

Say you feel that if you develop an inevitably fatal illness, you do not want any extreme measures taken to prolong your suffering or to cause you additional suffering or loss of dignity while you are dying. Say you have a massive stroke and end up in a coma and according to the doctors you are brain dead or completely unresponsive. You are being kept alive by a bunch of machines and tubes. Now say you had previously told someone, your spouse, one of your children or a parent, that you did not want to be kept alive by extreme measures. That person tells the doctor that you would not want to be kept alive by a machine, however, another family member, who can not take the thought of your dying, tells the doctor that you wanted to be kept alive by any means possible. Now, there is a problem. Remember the seven (7) year court battle over Terri Schiavo.

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Both family members love you and both want to do what is best, however they disagree and end up causing great emotional distress to each other and to other people who love you, as well as forcing you to be kept ailve against your wishes while the matter is being settled, and as well as running up considerable medical and legal expenses that have to be paid by someone. None of this would have taken place had you taked the time to have a living will prepared.

Conversely, say that you would like to receive all medical treatment that is available, no matter what. Since you can not speak for yourself, your spouse or a loved one, not knowing your wishes and who believes in dying with dignity, tells the doctor to turn off the machines and let you die. No one else knows what you wanted so the machines are turned off and you die. Had you taken the time to have a living will prepared they would have tried to keep you alive.

The foregoing examples are very black and white and most incidences will vary in various shades of grey, however I hope that you will understand the point that I am trying to get across.

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Note: I am not an attorney or a doctor and none of the foregoing should be construed as legal or medical advice. This article is written strictly as my opinion based on life experiences through both my personal life and my work as a private investigator when investigating family disputes. As in all matters of law you should always consult an attorney before taking on any legal endeavor.

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Whether you are married, single, young, old, healthy or ill, a living will is an inexpensive way of insuring that your wishes are carried out in the event that something untoward happens. It could also spare your loved ones the emotional distress of being forced to make such an important decision for you.

About The Author David G. Hallstrom, Sr. is a retired private investigator and currently publishes several internet directories including http://www.resourcesforattorneys.com a legal and lifestyle resources directory for attorneys, lawyers and the internet public.

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